As Valentine’s Day is swiftly approaching, I thought I’d share something very special with you all.
I stand before him under the sparkling, speckled light of the glittering disco ball. I gaze into those same blue eyes, the violet colour of bluebells. It takes me back to the first time I’d seen his mesmerizing eyes, lit up by another luminescent disco light.
I stared at him from under my curtain of thick wavy waist length hair, which hid some of my monstrous weight. I was shy and lonely, but also hopeful. The new world of people, dancing and discos was a wonder to me. It was just like it had been described in Bunty.
I leaned against the grubby wall and continued to gawp at him. Like magic, his eyes met mine and he smiled at me. I turned my head slightly away towards the ground, my face felt warm and sticky. When I lifted my head, he was still smiling in my direction. Again, I looked away from him, my cheeks on fire. After a few seconds, I shyly looked back at him from under my mane of hair. He grinned right at me. At me! It was just like the magazines said. I couldn’t help but smile awkwardly, my mouth drew open to reveal shiny silver train tracks. I closed my mouth quickly, I hoped he hadn’t seen my mouthful of metal!
The DJ announced the slow set, and I knew that the time had come. All the tips to attract a boy were working and he would ask me to dance. He started to cross the room, his indigo eyes glittering. I fixed my top, pulling it down to reveal my giant, ample bosoms. I pulled my hair back behind my ears to expose my neck. Apparently, boys found the neck and cleavage area very appealing. I swayed gently to the music. My heart pounded like it would rocket out of my chest. My mouth was dry and I ached. I waited for that first word, touch, moment.
But it never came.
You stopped before me and my heart leapt. But then you veered to the right and walked toward one of those perfect girls. Her hair was poker straight, I knew I should have used the iron before I left home! She wore a short black skirt and a belly top, her stomach was pancake flat. She licked her heather shimmer lipstick coated lips. Why didn’t I listen to my sister and wear the stupid lipstick like she had suggested?! Little Miss Perfect was the anti-me. As the notes of “End of the Road” by Boyz ii Men flooded the room, you told her in your thick, West Cork accent that SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. It sounded vile and disgusting. I never wanted to hear you utter another word, ever. In that moment, I decided that this was NOT the end of the road for us.
Now, we stand. I lure you in with seductive glances and you smile and nod appreciatively in my direction. Your eyes move from my face down to my luscious bust. I turn slightly to show off my small waist and curvy bottom. You smirk and your greedy eyes are lust-filled.
This time, you approach ME. Because now I look like the anti-ME. You never got to know my name or my face, so you don’t recognise me. The old fat and ugly me is still perched inside this beautiful external body. You offer to buy me a drink and I agree demurely. We stand at the edge of the dancefloor and sip scotch as you stare down my plunging neckline. I rub my body against you and you try to kiss me. I shake my head with a mischievous smile. “I’d like to bring you somewhere more private.” I can feel your arousal pressed against my thigh. I step back and you speed walk to the cloak room to pick up your coat. I wait and lick my lips suggestively each time you glance at me.
In the taxi home, your hands are all over me. They travel up my thighs and just as they reach the end of my skin-tight skirt, I take them and place them in your lap. I shake my head, “Not yet. ” As we walk in to my apartment, your words are slightly slurred and your eyes have a hazy, drunken look to them. I close the door behind us and I kiss you deeply. I leave your hands roam freely over my body for a few seconds before I pull back.
Now, you whisper those words again, “YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.” I try to hide my disgust but I feel sick to my stomach.
I walk away and tell you to sit on the couch while I get a nightcap for us from the kitchen. I come back with two glasses filled with amber liquid. We say “Sláinte” and you throw back the whole glass of scotch in one gulp. I sip mine slowly. I savour the flavor and the heat before I straddle you. We kiss passionately and you clutch my butt cheeks in your vice grip hands. Our lips are moistened by alcohol and saliva.
In the middle of a kiss, your hands and mouth go limp. Your head tilts back, you are unconscious. I wipe my lips and climb off, kicking you in the balls as I do. You disgust me, but you are still as beautiful as you were the first time I saw you in 1997. I prefer you like this – silent. You don’t budge, the tranquiliser works exactly as planned. I grab my supplies from the kitchen and go to work.
END OF THE ROAD
Now, it is dawn. There is a red tinge to the grey sky ahead and we sit at the edge of the cliff in Ardmore. We listen to Boyz ii Men croon via a Bluetooth speaker as waves bash against the rocks below. Your purple-blue eyes open in wonder. A string of rope splits your handsome face in a perfect half and rope binds your hands together tightly. You are silent, but your face speaks volumes. You cannot comprehend this beautiful moment. Your mouth parts in a silent scream, your tongue has been removed.
Now, we are more alive than ever before. The cold, salty wind whips around us and I kiss your cheek softly. I say, “Now, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL too, ” while I stare into your eyes. Now, we are perfect. Your eyes widen with pleasure as I hold you tightly to me. You are seated on the cliff edge and I straddle you again, you seemed to like that earlier. I wrap my arms tightly around you and rock us back and forth until we build momentum. With a final lurch, I pull you with me. Now, we are flying… into the abyss of forever together.